Christian Family · Home and Family
Children? In the End, They Really Do Leave…
7 min read, approximately
Proverbs 22:6 (Children)
“Teach a child the way to walk, and even when old, the child will not depart from it.”
How Quickly Time Passes!
All right… They are born, the family grows, and in that first stage we begin a wonderful adventure with these new members who depend entirely on us… What name? What clothes? What food? Medical appointments and vaccinations? When will they crawl and walk? When will they say Daddy and Mommy?
“Then Manoah said: When your words come true, how should the child live, and what should we do with him?” (Judges 13:12)
We reach the second stage… They attend school, make friends, learn, and discover various things they can do on their own. They no longer depend on us so much.
“Parents, do not anger your children, but bring them up with discipline and teach them in the love of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Yet the challenge continues: disciplining them, educating them, teaching them principles and values, giving them responsibilities, and teaching manners, self-control, good conduct, and respect… We applaud when they do well, and we correct them and help them improve when something goes wrong. Yet we fail to notice how quickly they grow, how much they know, and how eager they are to spread their wings.
And Finally, the Third Stage…
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child; but when I became a man, I put childhood things behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
We think we must still be there for every situation they face, but the truth is that we are the ones who have forgotten what they are made of and what we have taught them. Yes, it has happened so quickly, and we do not want to accept that they really do know, that they can do it, that they are capable, and that it is time for them to take flight on their own.
What Now?
Mothers and fathers who are going through this third stage, I would like to offer you the following:
\1. Your Children Will Succeed
“When the Philistine rose and moved toward David, David hurried and ran to the battle line to meet him. David put his hand into his bag, took out a stone, slung it, and struck the Philistine in the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground. Thus David defeated the Philistine with a sling and a stone; he struck him and killed him, though David had no sword in his hand.” (1 Samuel 17:48-50)
Yes, David, whom no one believed in because he lacked ‘experience,’ began overcoming his challenges little by little. You know, we may be filled with doubts about whether our children can overcome the situations they face, but I have news for you: they really will succeed. Remember: they learned from you, saw it in you, came from you, are made of the same stuff as you, and will surprise you.
\2. Your Children Will Not Be Alone
“You are my refuge; you will keep me from distress and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will give you understanding and teach you the way you should go; I will keep my eyes on you.” (Psalms 32:7-8)
They will not be alone—let us put that thought out of our minds! The Lord has promised to be their refuge, their path, and their guide, and he will watch over them. Just as God has been with us, he will also be with them… Do not fear; he himself will teach them what they need to learn at this stage! Do You Remember How We Learned?
\3. They Will Keep Growing and Maturing
“We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
Yes, they will experience complicated situations, feel burdened, cry, and feel they cannot go on. But all of this is part of growing, maturing, and God’s great purpose for them. Just as we have lived through our own experiences, they must live through theirs.
Let us not live their lives for them! It would be far too selfish to prevent them from going through their own growth. In fact, it is like trying to help someone walk who can do so independently. Over time, when we are no longer there, they may feel compelled to use crutches or a wheelchair because they were never given the opportunity to trust their own legs. Instead, let us help them achieve their goals and reach even further!
\4. It Is Still Our Responsibility to Keep Praying for Them
“His sons would hold feasts in their homes, each on his appointed day, and would send for their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When the days of feasting had run their course, Job would send for them and consecrate them. He would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings for each of them, for Job said: Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts. This is what he did continually.” (Job 1:4-5)
“Also give my son Solomon a fully devoted heart, so that he may keep your commandments, your testimonies, and your statutes, do all these things, and build you the house for which I have made preparations.” (1 Chronicles 29:19)
Speaking blessings over your children should not be reserved for celebrations; it should happen always! Remember that the work of praying for them never ends. Do not give way to loneliness. Instead, have you considered the opportunity to pray together daily as a couple for the children who have left home? Have you thought about going out with your spouse? About enjoying time together? Strengthen your relationship as a couple… Give it a try!
\5. Advising vs. Blaming vs. Controlling
“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let that person show their works through good conduct, with the gentleness of wisdom.” (James 3:13)
Phrases such as: “I warned you!“, “I told you so!“, “It is your fault for leaving“, “Do not ask me; work it out yourself”… will never help… The Bible warns:
“Answering before listening is foolishness and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
Instead, let us always be willing to offer advice when they ask. Remember that you will always be their father or mother, and this is precisely an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with the children who have left home. Understand that if they turn to you, it is because they truly know they can find guidance in you. Now, if you do not know about the subject, never forget:
“… if any of you lacks wisdom, ask God, who gives generously to everyone without reproach, and it will be given.” (James 1:5)
Who Said the Story Ends Here?
In case you forgot for a moment… They leave as sons and daughters and return as fathers and mothers… Do not let sadness steal your time. Instead, save that time to lavish it on the new family members they will bring.
_**Remember to stop by the Songbook
May God continue to bless you, and may you continue to have an excellent day in Christ Jesus!